Where should I begin? Let's see, I got really coked up one night and decided to create the world, then I entered the simulation that I had created and boy, did that really fuck things up for me! I mean, that was the biggest mistake I could've ever made! Man, was I a dumbass! Oh, what? I'm supposed to be telling these little, insignificant pricks about the worldly me? Do I have to? Well, I mean, what I've done in this body just ultimately pales in comparison to what I did before I inhabited this body. Okay, okay. Jesus F***in' Christ, can you believe this guy? Telling me, of all people, me wtf to do. I'm Ray F***in' Powers!
Ahhh, okay, okay. Where did it all start? Well, I was born, slid right out of my mom's area. As I looked around the room, with a set of beautiful, blue eyes. I saw the doctor, he looked like an asshole, I saw my dad, another asshole but then I saw my mom and I was instantly comforted. Get me away from these assholes! I tried to scream at my mother, but all that came out was crying. God, that was probably the most frustrating part of this existence, was, "growing up." I look back on it and I don't know how I didn't off myself as a child.
You would think that I would've chosen a body with a little bit less difficulty, as well. I mean, life-wise. My body is as strong as an ox, but damn it! Did I choose a difficult path to walk! So I'm working construction during the day with my cousin, who owns my grandad's (who, incidentally, I was named after) old construction business and I snort a shitload of methamphetamine to stay awake all night, at least four nights a week. Just so that I can stay up, editing articles, papers, novels, and translating shit, you know, the usual.
Let's go back in time a little bit, shall we? Yes, let's go back to 2010 when I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. I was hired on by Yahoo! News, where I stayed for five f***ing years as an editor until they fired my f***ing ass due to, "business restructuring, " yeah, okay. They called it, "mass layoffs" throughout "the entire company" but come on, those bastards had it out for me. Just because I wouldn't suck their d***s for a f***ing promotion! Godd*** assholes.
So where was I? Oh, that's right, I was telling you about when I got laid off by Yahoo! News. Man, that was a difficult time in my life. It only lasted about three weeks but damn, that was a hard there weeks! I almost had to dip into my savings! That wouldn't have turned out good, given that my savings were nonexistent!
Well, during the spring was when I was laid off by Yahoo! News and it just so happened that the Daily Wire was hiring! Yippee, my idol, Ben Shapiro! I get to hang out with him, edit his articles, edit his speeches, oh God, this is gonna be so much fun! It was not. It was anything but fun. Ben Shapiro is an ass and I say that with unbridled affection towards the man. He is just a complete ass. I don't know if it's just his demeanor online or maybe I just ticked him off? Perhaps there was just something about me that really chapped his ass? We may never know the truth.
Alas, our fairytale bromance was not meant to last. As, I was "let go" when I was in the hospital, fighting for my life. Yes, it was in 2018 that my heart randomly stopped, luckily my best friend was there, who just so happens to know CPR. He manually pumped my heart until the paramedics got there and shocked the s*** out of me with that damn defibrillator that they have, or as I like to call it the thunder paddles. Yeah, I was technically dead there, for a minute or two.
So, what have I been doing for employment ever since I left the Daily Wire (or rather, since the Daily Wire left me)? Simple: I've been surviving by working construction during the day, getting all methed up and working as an editor at night. America! F*** yeah!