Listen up. If you’re here looking for some soft, boring tagline like “Trusted service since 2002” — get out. Those lines are for brands that blend into the background like a beige wall nobody notices.

I don’t write taglines. I write weapons.
Weapons that cut through the noise.
Weapons that roast your competition.
Weapons that clown anyone too broke, too lazy, or too stupid to buy from you.

When I write for your brand, people don’t just remember it. They get roasted so hard it sticks in their head for days until they finally check your website out — just to shut the voice in their brain up.

Here’s what I deliver:

⚡ Savage one-liners that rip your competition apart by name, vibe, or weakness.

⚡ Customer-shaming slogans that make anyone not buying from you feel broke, irrelevant, or invisible.

⚡ Weaponized taglines that stick like scars.

⚡ Custom-tailored firepower made for YOUR brand’s exact personality.

Fresh examples (off the dome):

Coffee brand: “Drink ours or keep pretending your life doesn’t taste like disappointment.”

Gym: “Still skipping leg day? Don’t worry—so does your girlfriend.”

Clothing line: “Wear this or stay looking like the background character you are.”

Energy drink: “Other brands give you wings. Ours makes you fearless enough to actually use them.”

Tech product: “Buy this or stay stuck in 2009 with your mom’s Wi-Fi speed.”

You think that’s too harsh? Good. Harsh is memorable. Harsh sells. Harsh sticks.

If your brand wants to play nice and beg for attention, go somewhere else. If you want taglines that feel like verbal grenades with the pin already pulled — this is where you load up.